roxychick's: to whine & be frank. almost.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

dried-out throat o'mine...

best ke berkulit putih ni?
haha. i never know sebab i dont care at all.

oklah. i lied.
i always thought that how wonderful my life would be if i was born all fair and pretty. seriously.

i used to hate myself for being dark-skinned and short and what not. i even thought that i was adopted since my other siblings are all fair, pretty, tall(er than me) and almost perfect la senang cakap. (my mother even told me that i was found by the garbage bin, this one evening, in front of the house... how sad is that?) but no. i was not adopted. i am my mama's & papa's daughter. the 3rd daughter to be exact. but why wasn't i as fair as my other sibs? maybe ikut gene sebelah mama la kot (eventho mama fair-skinned), sebab fyi, my mama's ancestors came from ceylon (aka sri lanka), so maybe that explains the whole thing. adala jugak my other relatives yang dark-skinned but majority yg dark-skinned tu sume the boys. for girls, memang tak ramai la.. maybe 1, 2 je.

gambar aidilfitri pre-myia & zaes.
cant remember what year. maybe 2005 kot.
see? i wasn't lying was i?

and when mama got married to papa, who has arab blood, knowing the history of syed-sharifah clan ni, maka anak-anak yang terhasil haruslah bermuka melayu-arab campuran kan (especially bila bapak paling dominan) and the result should be beyond expectation la kan? kan? kan? bila anak ke-3 mereka ini keluar muka tak capai benchmark, bermula la cakap2 belakang seperti, "tula. masa mengandung mana bole minum kopi o", "lain kali jangan makan kicap masa pregnant, kan anak dah jadi hitam" yada.. yada..

kopiko yang rongak.
masa tu darjah dua, baru balik dari sports day. kot.
ke pakai baju ni sebab ada physical ed? tah.

so, i've been living this life where schoolmates/relatives/teachers would teased me with names such as kopiko, bontot kuali, kicap and even kuey teow (i know! like wtf la kan?) ok! kap lam ya nga jangan cakap laaa.. sangat sedih my childhood memories ok?

anyway, only after varsity days that i came to realised that it's FABULOUS being dark-skinned and short and what not! hell yeah, i was that stupid and lame sebab it took me that long to realised! so, rite after that i began to appreciate myself and indulge in making over myself (excuses to having whole roxy bag of makeup yang jarang digunakan.. haha) and guess what?? I'M LOVING EVERY BITS OF MYSELF! (er.. except that post-pregnancy stretchmarks yang still there..) and it's all about me. just me. i love me. i heart me. eheheee..

and i always tell myself that, if i have babies (masa tuu laa..), i don't want him or her to have this kind of feeling just because he or she is lack of this or that. and so, when zaes was born and he inherit my dark-skinned tone, i'm so ever proud of him and vowed to myself that i wont let anybody tease or even talk about his physical appearance especially when it comes to skin tone.

tapi, mulut tempayan boleh la kita tutup kan.. but not of human's. yes. zaes had his moments, months after he was born and just few days ago. (i know someone might not like this post, but i'm just telling my slice of life and i hope it's not an issue here, ok. i hope you understand that i am just a mother who wants the best for her zaes. taknak bias-bias. no nothing.) i don't know. maybe i'm too sensitive. maybe i'm just angry and being irrational. but janganla pasal warna kulit bole jadi isu kan. and when this happened, obviously secara halusnya people would accused me for being dark-skinned and turunkan pulak kat anak.. aih. nak marah kang, kena marah balik. tu yang susah tu.. but.. tu la..

honestly, i think people should not do that ok. enough is enough. warna kulit tu kurniaan Allah and we should appreciate and be proud of it.

zaes: ok apa kulit zaes macam mommey..
tak cacat pon. buwekk!

so, to my zaes, when you know how to read and if you read this, just ignore about what others might say about you and i hope you'd become a good person and smart and intelligent and berguna kepada agama, bangsa dan negara (amboih. mommey punya sensitif sampai recite rukun negara..)

to whom i (or the commentators) might hurt, i'm sorry. i really didnt mean anything when writing and posting this entry. it just came across my mind and i feel like expressing my feeling. i REALLY hope you'd understand. thanks for your understanding.

sorry again for feeling blue.. eventho i'm all RED (in a happy way.. YAY!) when i saw the rerun of the newcastle united vs liverpool (you ROCK!) game, yesterday.. go kops!